One week ago today, a sad and sick man decided to commit an act so heinous, so sickening, that it has left us all reeling for the days, weeks, and possibly years to come. That hot summer night when so many people were innocently out to have fun with their friends, boyfriends, and families, nobody ever thought that they would be the next victim played out like the fictitious scene unfolding on the big screen ahead of them. A regular summer night turned out to be a night we will remember for the rest of our lives.
I’ll never forget waking up at 4:00am as I was about to leave for my EPIC relay event, and opening up my Facebook page as I do every morning, to see the countless posts and newsfeeds about the “Aurora Theater Shooting.” Is this real? Someone opened fire at the Batman movie? Twelve people are dead? In my own city? Anyone I know???? So many questions of how and why that will never be answered were going non-stop in my head. Immediately I felt sick to my stomach. Even though I was miles away, tucked safely in bed at the time of the incident, I couldn’t help but feel so personally wronged. How dare some sicko come into a public place, 20 miles from my house, in a suburb of my city, in my state, from where I know so many people; and do something that “happens in other terrible places”, not here in wonderful Colorado.
It is impossible to escape the constant news coverage of this incident. It is continuously being replayed on every local channel, it is on my Facebook feed, my twitter feed, it is in the status updates of my peers, it is on the national news. It is impossible to look away from that mocking, orange-headed face with a sadistic smile. It is impossible to be submerged in this and not feel anger, fear, and hate. But I’ve decided today, in this moment, that those feelings are over.
In my 27 years, I’ve
experienced so many difficult tragedies. I was sitting in Mr. Groves’ 8th
grade science class when news broke of the Columbine Massacre in my home-state
200 miles away from my own school. I was a junior in high school on my way to
class when I learned of the tragic terrorist acts of 9/11. I was a senior in
high school when my mother passed away.
And now, I’m a 27 year old woman making memories of this most recent
tragic event in my neighboring city, where I personally know the Aurora
Policemen and first responders on the scene of that chaotic nightmare.
I couldn’t help the feelings of
anger and disgust; imploring God to punish this man for what he did to those
innocent people, for the peace of mind he stole from the rest of us. But I’ve
decided I will not let the enemy win. I will not live my life in fear and
hatred. I will not become bitter and lose my faith in humanity. If I continue to stew in those negative thoughts, I will be no better
of a person than the criminal. I will not let those emotions of fear and hate
live inside of me. I will continue to go about my day extending love toward my
neighbors. I will continue to go to movies. I will continue to go to Jazz in
the Park. I will continue to fly. I will continue to walk down my street without fearing any person
walking in my general direction. I will continue to go to concerts, sporting
events, and ample other places where mass crowds will attend. If, God forbid, I
should find myself in the midst of a future tragic event and my life is stolen,
well then so-be-it. I want to go out of this life and this earth with the power
of living it. I want those who know me to know that I was not a girl who lived
in fear. Even if such a tragic event should take my life, I will go happily,
knowing that I lived a fearless, loving life.
II Timothy 1:7 For God has not
given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
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| Thankful for another beautiful sunrise and another day on this earth. |
God bless the victims and the families of victims on that sad day in history.
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