It is finally October. My second favorite month of the year :) Summer is officially over, the days are becoming shorter, the leaves are changing, and there is a crispness in the air with a hint of cinnamon and spice. Autumn is decidedly my favorite season of the year. I adore my fall wardrobe of cardigans, jackets, and scarves; there is a freshness in the air, and it is a season of change. As this season of change is here, it also marks the end of one of the best, and yet one of the most difficult years of my life. It was this time one year ago, where my life took on a completely different direction. I had just moved from the city to my new home of Fort Collins, CO; which was quite a difficult adjustment. I was settling into my new home, my new job, and as I was embracing each aspect of my "new life", I also added in the complicated portion of a new love.
It has been exactly one year since I met the man I had convinced myself I would marry. One year ago, a little weekend get-away to visit my sweet friend, Kimber, in her new Texas town, was a weekend that changed my life. The last weekend of September, 2010 I visited Wichita Falls, TX where I met Erik Walker. Though strikingly handsome and charming, it was obvious that nothing could ever happen between a dynamic, complex Colorado girl, and a simple, small-town boy from Texas. Or could it?.....
The months to follow that first visit to Texas were a whirlwind of events that tipped my life up-side down. By Christmas-time, I was hopelessly in love with the idea of this man who, inevitably, would never become anything more than a stranger to me. Although there was an abundance of red-flags all along the way, shouting, "Danger, Danger!!! He is NOT the one!" I managed to ignore them all and fall deeper into this mess of a relationship. Although I was so sure of us, I didn't quite know just how we would work this out. He was adamant that he could never leave the only town he's ever known, and, well, lets face it; there is just no way this girl could ever leave the only state I've ever loved and trade it all down for hot-miserable Texas!!! (No offense, my other TX friends....) But I also knew (or rather thought I knew) that there was no way I could live without him. Until the trip that marked the absolute end of it all.
I'm sure most of you know that I went to Hawaii with Erik, (on a last-ditch effort to make things work) and have been dying with curiosity to know exactly what happened. Well, I won't go into detail, but as I'm sure you may have figured out, it was an absolute nightmare. My worst expectations were far exceeded on that miserable "vacation". It took me a while to process and deal with everything that happened in the 10 months of knowing Erik Walker. There is still a lot of sadness and feeling of humiliation and hurt, and I can't help but wince at the mention of his name. And yet the greatest peace I have, is that by the grace of God, I dodged a bullet. Even though as humans, we try so hard to make things happen the way we want them, our Heavenly Father has his own plan for us. It would be so much easier if I just trusted Him more, and stopped trying to do it all my way. Had I not been lucky enough to have God finally step in and put His foot down on this wretched relationship, I can only imagine how miserable my life could have turned out! By this time next year, I could have been married off, living 800 miles away from the one true place that I LOVE, bored out of my mind, hating the humidity & heat, and bouncing a baby on my hip....and then, inevitably divorced! EW!!
Instead, here I am on a lovely Colorado evening, reflecting on my awesome life, and I couldn't be happier. I may be single, but dang it, I am truly happy. I do what I want, when I want, and I take life by the horns and I make shit happen! I look at all the things I've accomplished, and it makes me proud to say that I've done it all on my own, without relying on any man by my side helping me along the way. {well, except of course, my Dad and God}.
As I embark on this new season of change, there are so many things to look forward to, and be thankful for. I am anxiously awaiting completing my first marathon next week, and preparing for all the new adventures in store. I'm letting the past 'fall' away, and I'm looking forward with bright eyes.
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