It's always hard to say goodbye.

February 14, 2012

On a day spent by most people across the world, celebrating their love with gifts of roses, chocolates, and other gifts that fade away, we were saying "goodbye" to a very important and loved man in our lives. It saddens me to say, that this year's Valentine's Day, instead of the romantic emotions that are typically taking the day captive, I had the pre-mature privilege of saying goodbye to Mr. Scott Bowen.

I first met Scobow back in 1999, almost immediately after he had moved his family from the Chicago area, to Lamar. His middle daughter, Rachel, became my instantanous best friend on the first day of freshman year at Lamar High. We shared three classes together that semester, and after discovering how much we had in common, we were inseparable. We shared similar values, faiths, and our awesome dads worked together at Neoplan. After countless weekends of slumber-party marathons shared between the Bowen and the Cook homes, I quickly became very close with the Bowen family. Times spent with the Bowen's at their home, at the family ranch, and countless youth-group activities and trips to Denver, were the days that I lived for.  Scott and Melody were almost second parents to me, caring for me in times like after I had my wisdom teeth removed! Years later in high school, the inevitable happened when I started dating Rachel's older, and cute brother, Nate :) Although our dating days didn't last very long, Nate and I stayed in very close contact all throughout college and the years after, when I was moving all across Colorado and Nate was off to bigger and better things in Washington DC. Of course Rachel and I stayed in touch, but surpsingly it was Steph, the youngest sister of the Bowen family, who's relationship with me in most recent years, is what has strengthened the bond between myself and the Bowen's.  She was always the little sister growing up, so I never really knew her all that well before I moved off to college and the Bowen's moved off to New York. But in recent years, I've had the privilege of becoming a close friend and confidant to Steph, which grew stronger each day as she kept me current on the issues regarding their dad throughout his illness.

Of course, it never was a question to me, just how much all the Bowen's meant to me, and that our friendship would always be in tact. I care for each and every one of them in such different ways, and they all have such a very special place in my heart. These are the people that I've known that I will always be friends with for the rest of my life, even despite our georaphical distances. Although I knew how much they all meant to me, I honestly had no idea that throughout all the years that had passed since I had first met Scott and Melody, and the years since I had last seen them, that I had remained in their thoughts as much as I had. It was such an honor and a delight to hear in recent months as Steph told me stories, just how much her dad liked me! I truly had no idea! I always just figured I was just this girl that was friends with his kids. But he truly loved me, and held me in the highest regard. And that means more to me than anyone will ever know.

It is sad that it is often tragic events that bring people even closer together. When I heard of Scott's passing last week, there was absolutely no question in my mind that I would be there for his family, my dear friends, as they grieved and laid his body to rest. I only wish that I had had the opportunity to properly say goodbye to the man that blessed me with the best friends of a lifetime.

Scott, you will be greatly missed. But your legacy lives on through Nate, Rachel, and Steph. I know that you are in a better place where there is no suffering. I take great comfort in knowing that we will all be reunited again in heaven, one day. We love and miss you. Please say hi to my mom for me :)

The Bowen Ranch, Eads, CO  2/14/12

Goals for TwentyTwelve

So, it's a little late, but January isn't over yet, so better publish my goals! 

I read somewhere, that you are much more likely to keep a goal when it is written down, so ever since then, I've made a habit of doing just that!

So, here they are!

My 2012 Goals

• Become DEBT-FREE!! (well, I will still have my car pmt, but eliminate credit card debt and pay off student loan!)

• Hike a 14er

• Travel someplace new

• Update my passport
• *get some stamps in my updated passport

• Compete in some epic races

• Set a new PR for my half-marathon time (Sub 2 hours :)

• Meet Tim Tebow.

That's all.

The end of a year is the beginning of new life.

One word: Dynamic.  Two thousand eleven was perhaps one of the most intensely up-and-down years I think I've ever had. As always, it was a year of growth, a year of constant learning, a year of winning, and a year of losing. I achieved goals, I made new friends, reconnected with old friends, I traveled to so many new places, I fell in love, and I fell out of love. Although at times the lenses may have been foggy, and the lines may have been a bit blurred; I never lost sight of myself and my direction for my life. I grew another year older, (and hopefully wiser). But the roller-coaster of the ups and downs was exhausting, and I am so glad that that year is behind me.

Winter in Crested Butte at my fav. hangout :)

It started out to be seemingly "my best year yet!" January 2011, was the beginning of a year with fresh hope and encouragement for settling into my maturing adult life. I was in love with so many things. I was in love with my lifestyle, I was in love with living in Colorado, I was in love with running, I was in love with my job, and I was in love with Erik Walker. Erik Walker. We began the year with the excitement of going deeper in our long distance relationship. I was jet setting off (what seemed like every weekend) to Texas, to be with the man who captured my heart. I was blissfully in love, and couldn't be happier. When one is in love, it is amazing how differently you truly view the world around you. Everything was perfect, I was motivated, I was optimistic, and I was full of life.

Erik and me in Texas

In February, I made the most spontaneous trip of my life. I had a 4-day weekend in which I was supposed to be traveling to Texas to see Erik, but bad weather (and a minor fight) had prevented me from flying south. So, to be in the airport terminal with a packed suitcase and a credit card; what's a girl to do? I took advantage of a last-minute ticket change to visit one of my longest best-friend's Marianne and her boyfriend, Ryan, in Portland, Oregon. It was really one of the best vacations of my life! I fell in love with the quirky city, and the time spent with my friend was priceless....(tell that to my credit card, ha!)

I am LOVING Portland!

Marianne in her city

Mysterious Lake in Washington

Marianne and Ryan

Beautiful waterfalls in the Washington Mts.

It was also in February, that my friend Alexe Colson, had invited and convinced me to sign up to run the Chicago Marathon with her. That from that point on, the idea and practice of running 26.2 miles, pretty much consumed every action of my life for the next 8 months to come.

Spending the day in Manitou with Alex, my Argentinian BF :)

In April, I turned 26. I was officially over the half-way mark of my twenties. I celebrated with close girlfriends in Denver, along with my new and fun, Argentinian boyfriend! {Erik and I had broken up for the first time by this point, as the distance issue became too much to handle.} It started out as a beautiful weekend. I rented a room at the Hyatt Downtown, and we wore cute little dresses to dinner and had drinks afterward. We were supposed to go to the Rockies game the next day on my birthday, but plans were ruined by a blizzard that decided to snow on my parade. It has snowed on my birthday every year for the last 5 years! I really hope for sunshine and hot weather on my next birthday, PLEASE :)

Birthday dinner with the girls!

Happy 26th Birthday to ME!

But summer was around the corner and on it's way. I was running my little tail off, doing race after race with Alison and new running friends, and soaking up every bit of the beautiful place of my backyard of Colorado. Weekends in Denver, Boulder, Crested Butte, and everywhere in between.

ROCKIES!

The Game with my girlfriends :)

ZOOMA half marathon with my girls!

I ran with Andy Baldwin, The Bachelor!

About to get our float on!

In June, I took a little weekend visit to Tulsa, OK for the first time, to visit Brandi and her boyfriend, Josh. I was pleasantly surprised at the lovely little city that is Tulsa. (Except for the awful heat and humidity that is The South, and the bane of my existence...ugh!) We spent the weekend laughing, shopping, and had an epic trip of "floating the river". Pretty much that means that we spent 8 hours getting drunk and blisteringly sunburned, with a caravan of twenty-something people with five, 8-man rafts, while floating downstream in some muddy Oklahoma river. Had I not reverted back to my college days of shot-gunning and beer bonging, I may have been able to actually remember the name of this mysterious muddy water.

The emotional roller-coaster of the Erik Walker Saga continued through-out the summer. After weeks and months of can't live with you - can't live without you, continued; he made the bold move and asked me to go on a week-long vacation to Hawaii with him and his family. I really should have known better than to go, but I was so desperate to make things work out between us, I signed myself up for what would be the most detrimental nightmare vacations of my life. Being stranded on an island with a person who turned out to be the most selfish and dis-respectful human being, was an experience that I never want to re-live. What should have been a romantic week in paradise was a torturous prison sentence. Finally, the escape did come, and I cried enough tears on the 8 hour flight back home, to fill the Pacific ocean to the brim. When my feet were back on Colorado soil, I was never so happy to have the reality check, and assurance that this is truly where I belong. Happy to report that never again, has a single tear fallen over that man, since somewhere over the ocean back in August.

 

Sheer Beauty. Ko'Olina Beach, Hawaii

Sea Turtle on the North Shore

Fresh Coconut on the North Shore

Paradise! The DOLE Pinapple Plantation



When I was home from Hawaii, I busied myself more than ever, trying to focus on myself and my amazing life in Colorado and the awesome people in it. I spent the next few weeks and months re-exploring so many parts of my favorite places and things to do in my own back yard.

Death Cab For Cutie with my BFF Alison at Red Rocks!

Death Cab.....Ahhhhh. Dreamy.

Garden of The Gods, CO Springs, CO

The Manitou Cliff Dwellings

Deep inside the Cave of the Winds

CB: my fav. little mountain town :)

Vinotok in Crested Butte

Brewary Tour with my girls!

Colorado certainly does beer right.

I also kept busy with fully submerging into the final weeks of training for the marathon. The excitement of traveling to Chicago was what fueled me. Running 15, 17, 20 mile-long runs and feeling the excitement of this monumental challenge that would come in October, kept my mind more than occupied.

Accomplished in Chicago

My victory was complete, and I proved once again, that I could do anything I put my mind to...but then I fell off a cliff into a depression. All of a sudden I found myself alone, with nothing motivating to look forward to. I had no energy, no drive, and I began to have a negative outlook on life. The cold winter months, and long, dark days didn't help me out much. I stopped and took a long hard look at myself, and my life. Although I am more than beyond blessed with so many wonderful things in my life, I realized that I had been putting a lot of focus and energy on some of the wrong things in life. Thankfully I snapped out of it and have so many wonderful things to look forward to. I began to realize that I know now, more than ever, that Denver is where I belong. I have spent every weekend in the city for the last 3 months, and I am more than excited to be back in the city where I feel most alive, and most like myself. I hope to be moved back to the Mile High ASAP, but hopefully by Spring, 2012.

Christmas time was wonderful, having spent it with my amazing family, and wonderful friends. I have so many people in my life that words cannot express how grateful I am to have. I have people that truly love me for me, and they support me and stand by me. I am lucky to have the kind of people that have no problem telling me the truth and looking out for my best interests. Also, I am so very thankful that the Lord is always with me, looking out for me; even though I am not deserving, and am not always living for Him. I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning, and every day.

First snow of this winter :)

Parade of Lights in Denver

Owen and Me keeping warm

Diana, Me and Alison at Owens Christmas Cocktail party

My sweet Lauren at my pre-NYE dinner

Last night, I spent New Year's Eve with friends old and new, and we had a wonderful time celebrating, and saying goodbye to the old year and welcoming the new. Goodbye, 2011. All in all, you were pretty good to me, but I hope 2012 is even better! So many things already to look forward to!!! Until then, as my dad always says, "just keep on keepin on".

Audrey, Robyn, and Me. Happy 2012

Peace and love people.

Be kind to one another.

Don't that forget that the little things

that matter are the monumental stuff of a great life.

Happy New Year.

The Chicago Marathon!

We all have different reasons that we run. For runners, we all have different reasons and motivations for why we race. Not long after I began participating in races, it was clear to me, that I do not race to be competitive; I really like the feeling of community & having a fun day with friends and strangers that share my same passion! I race because it is fun! I also LOVE the t-shirt, the occasional medal, and goodies at the end. Also, perhaps it has a little something to do with the prestige that comes along with racing. I know in the scheme of it all, it really shouldn't matter. And for those runners out there that are really good at it, they are much more modest and humble about the races that they participate in. But as for myself, I must admit that one of the biggest reasons and motivations for running a marathon, was so that I would be able to slap that highly acknowledged and coveted '26.2' sticker on the back of my car!

Here it is. The day I tested myself and pushed my body physically to the max. The day I had mentally been preparing for since February, and physically training for since June. As I boarded the plane to Chicago, I felt pretty calm about the upcoming event. I truly felt like up to this point, I had done all that I could do. Finishing the race was not a question, and I felt pretty confident that I would finish within a reasonable time. The only thing that worried me was the fact that the entire month before the race, I really began to slack off in my training runs. I was keeping up with the long weekend runs, but it was becoming increasingly more difficult to go out and run my daily 3-6 milers. I was exhausted from training so hard all summer, not to mention the cruel heat. So, weeks before the main event, I kind of gave up, thinking that I was "as ready as I was going to be." Whether I was ready or not, the day was here.

October 9, 2011
* 4:30 am - - Alexe and I were up and awake after a trusty night's NyQuil sleep. (my go-to sleep-aid). Downed a few coups of strong coffee, and fueled up with a power-breakfast.

* 5:30 am - - We met Mallory and boarding the red-line to downtown. It was sometime after the first few stops along the line when I looked down and realized I had forgotten my trusty Garmin watch! I was almost in tears as I realized the severity of this!!! I panicked, and freaked out, as I relied heavily on my Garmin watch for several reasons; mainly without it, I would have no idea what my running pace and time was! My nerves were slightly calmed down, as I rationally remembered that the course ran right by Alexe's apartment at mile 8! No worries! I would just run without it for the first 8 miles, and then I would (take a time-out) run upstairs and grab it! Whew! Not ideal, but this was not the end of the world.
* 6:00 am - - We arrived downtown and took in the fresh morning air. It was still dark, but the sun was just starting to peek out above the skyline. We took some pre-race photos, found the porta-potties, and checked our gear.

*7:00 am - - We worked out way through the ever-growing crowd of people to the starting line. We placed ourselves at the back of the 9 minute mile group.

*7:30 am - - The racers were off! As we inched toward the official starting line, my nerves were going crazy! This is it! This is really it!! It was all I could do to not throw up! Alexe, Mallory, and I all crossed the start line together, but I knew that was probably the last time I'd see these women. I accepted this, and just tried to focus on myself, and running my own race. I said a hasty prayer for strength and safety, and before I had a chance to think about anything else, I was caught up in a sea of people running running running.

Within the first 2 miles, I was immediately overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the amount of people everywhere! People running, people spectating, people cheering. I had a brief moment where my emotions got a bit carried away. Here I was, this young(ish), small town colorado girl, running the Chicago Marathon! I'm really doing this!! And all these people are out here cheering me on!!! The feeling was more than incredible, and indescribable.

I tried to settle into my pace, but it was so hard to know how fast I was running. For the first 3 miles, I know I went out way too fast, but mostly I didn't have a choice. I was being pushed along with my fellow runners. Everyone was feeling fresh, excited, and the adrenaline and energy levels were off the charts, and almost tangible. We toured the most beautiful parts of downtown. I remember just drinking it all in, the sight of this beautiful city. I was also thinking about my dear friends back home, who at the same time were beginning the Denver marathon and half marathon. We were all out running through the streets of our respective cities.

I felt great for the first several miles. It got to that critical moment when we made the turn after Mile 7, on Addison and Broadway, where I needed to devise a plan to dodge my fellow runners, and head up the stairs to Alexe's apartment, where her roommate would be cheering us on and waiting with my Garmin watch.  As the moment approached and I had to make my quick decision, my gut told me just to ditch the watch all-together. After all, I was feeling great, I was running free, and I didn't want to deduct crucial minutes to detour for my watch. So I kept on running.

I began to slow down and even experience panic as we approached the half way point. What was happening? Why was I getting so tired so quickly? Ohmygod, why is it so HOT? WHY AM I ALREADY WALKING?? I finally crossed the 13.1 mark and immediately was stricken with the "oh-my-god I have to run just as far as I just finished running....I don't know if I can do this!" I was exhausted and nervous. I hit my wall shortly after. You hear most people say they hit their wall about mile 20. Well, shit. I'm only at mile 14 and I've already hit that breaking point. I was feeling so lost. I had no idea of my surroundings, no idea of my pace, and no idea of my time. I knew I was still okay when I saw the 4:30 pace team come along side and eventually pass me. I knew if I stayed on their tails, I would still be okay. Well, soon they were out of sight ahead of me.

"Just keep moving, Just keep moving. One foot in front of the other. DO NOT WALK! You are strong, you can do this." I kept telling myself anything I could to just keep on going. Someone in the crowd must have seen the look of defeat on my face, and called out to me, "Come on Vanessa, Don't give up! Keep running!!!" I don't know how it happened, but thank the Lord it did happen....Somewhere around mile 17 or 18, I got my second wind! I was running strong, and was breathing easily. I was actually enjoying the sights of the city again! Old Town, Greektown, Little Italy, Chinatown, Little Mexico! The people along the sidelines where incredible! I felt like they were all cheering just for me! I passed mile 19, then 20, then 21! I was waiting, for it, hitting my next wall, that is. After all, wasn't it right about now that everyone hits it??? Well, I kept on moving, and before I knew it, mile 23!!!

Three.More.Miles. Finally, the end was near! At this point, I knew I was going to finish strong! I saw the 4:45 pace team come and go, but told myself, "It's OK! You're still good on time!" Almost to mile 24, I saw exactly what I needed to see! My beloved cousins Mindy and Miah were there with signs cheering me on! I had to finish strong for them! They fought the traffic and the crowds to have a front-row spot to cheer for me! After a quick stop for hugs, time to keep moving.

Oh, but it was so so hot, and getting hotter. Delirium had set it. The crowd of runners was becoming thinner. The looks and faces on everyone were completely different now. This was serious. This was not the pretty race that it was just 2 hours ago. It was do or die. Our bodies were rebelling, our feet were in  incredible pain; our minds were battling with the big part saying, "this is stupid, why are you doing this to yourself?" to the smaller, quieter voice that said, "come on, you've got this, you can finish!"

I passed mile 26, and I began to cry. The road curved to the right, and as desperate as I was to see it, the finish line was not in sight! Not only that, but all of a sudden there was a freakin uphill! I cried and started walking. I just wanted to be done but this 0.2 miles is sure a long way to go right now!!! It was the grace of God that got me over that hill, and once at the top I saw the finish line. I ran it in, or at least I think I ran it. I can't really be sure of anything at that point. My body was numb to anything except pain. But sure enough, I crossed the finish line, and I did it with a smile on my face!

It took a while for the grandness of what I'd just completed to fully sink in. Did I really just run 26.2 miles? I felt like I'd officially crossed over into a new 'group' of runners! It's a feeling I can't describe, yet one that I'll never forget.

Somewhere in the middle of the race, I was cursing and promising myself that if I could just get through this, I would never do this to myself again! Well, thankfully the body doesn't remember pain. Pretty much, I have to do it again, and this time I have to be better than the first time! Now I know exactly what to expect, and I know exactly the things I should and should not do in the weeks and days leading up to the event. And next time, I certainly won't forget my trusty Garmin! It won't be anytime soon, but I'll do it again. Now to decide: Denver, Seattle, Alaska.....

But whether or not I ever run another marathon, it really doesn't matter. I have nothing left to prove. I did it. And my pink sticker on my car says so :)