The end of a year is the beginning of new life.

One word: Dynamic.  Two thousand eleven was perhaps one of the most intensely up-and-down years I think I've ever had. As always, it was a year of growth, a year of constant learning, a year of winning, and a year of losing. I achieved goals, I made new friends, reconnected with old friends, I traveled to so many new places, I fell in love, and I fell out of love. Although at times the lenses may have been foggy, and the lines may have been a bit blurred; I never lost sight of myself and my direction for my life. I grew another year older, (and hopefully wiser). But the roller-coaster of the ups and downs was exhausting, and I am so glad that that year is behind me.

Winter in Crested Butte at my fav. hangout :)

It started out to be seemingly "my best year yet!" January 2011, was the beginning of a year with fresh hope and encouragement for settling into my maturing adult life. I was in love with so many things. I was in love with my lifestyle, I was in love with living in Colorado, I was in love with running, I was in love with my job, and I was in love with Erik Walker. Erik Walker. We began the year with the excitement of going deeper in our long distance relationship. I was jet setting off (what seemed like every weekend) to Texas, to be with the man who captured my heart. I was blissfully in love, and couldn't be happier. When one is in love, it is amazing how differently you truly view the world around you. Everything was perfect, I was motivated, I was optimistic, and I was full of life.

Erik and me in Texas

In February, I made the most spontaneous trip of my life. I had a 4-day weekend in which I was supposed to be traveling to Texas to see Erik, but bad weather (and a minor fight) had prevented me from flying south. So, to be in the airport terminal with a packed suitcase and a credit card; what's a girl to do? I took advantage of a last-minute ticket change to visit one of my longest best-friend's Marianne and her boyfriend, Ryan, in Portland, Oregon. It was really one of the best vacations of my life! I fell in love with the quirky city, and the time spent with my friend was priceless....(tell that to my credit card, ha!)

I am LOVING Portland!

Marianne in her city

Mysterious Lake in Washington

Marianne and Ryan

Beautiful waterfalls in the Washington Mts.

It was also in February, that my friend Alexe Colson, had invited and convinced me to sign up to run the Chicago Marathon with her. That from that point on, the idea and practice of running 26.2 miles, pretty much consumed every action of my life for the next 8 months to come.

Spending the day in Manitou with Alex, my Argentinian BF :)

In April, I turned 26. I was officially over the half-way mark of my twenties. I celebrated with close girlfriends in Denver, along with my new and fun, Argentinian boyfriend! {Erik and I had broken up for the first time by this point, as the distance issue became too much to handle.} It started out as a beautiful weekend. I rented a room at the Hyatt Downtown, and we wore cute little dresses to dinner and had drinks afterward. We were supposed to go to the Rockies game the next day on my birthday, but plans were ruined by a blizzard that decided to snow on my parade. It has snowed on my birthday every year for the last 5 years! I really hope for sunshine and hot weather on my next birthday, PLEASE :)

Birthday dinner with the girls!

Happy 26th Birthday to ME!

But summer was around the corner and on it's way. I was running my little tail off, doing race after race with Alison and new running friends, and soaking up every bit of the beautiful place of my backyard of Colorado. Weekends in Denver, Boulder, Crested Butte, and everywhere in between.

ROCKIES!

The Game with my girlfriends :)

ZOOMA half marathon with my girls!

I ran with Andy Baldwin, The Bachelor!

About to get our float on!

In June, I took a little weekend visit to Tulsa, OK for the first time, to visit Brandi and her boyfriend, Josh. I was pleasantly surprised at the lovely little city that is Tulsa. (Except for the awful heat and humidity that is The South, and the bane of my existence...ugh!) We spent the weekend laughing, shopping, and had an epic trip of "floating the river". Pretty much that means that we spent 8 hours getting drunk and blisteringly sunburned, with a caravan of twenty-something people with five, 8-man rafts, while floating downstream in some muddy Oklahoma river. Had I not reverted back to my college days of shot-gunning and beer bonging, I may have been able to actually remember the name of this mysterious muddy water.

The emotional roller-coaster of the Erik Walker Saga continued through-out the summer. After weeks and months of can't live with you - can't live without you, continued; he made the bold move and asked me to go on a week-long vacation to Hawaii with him and his family. I really should have known better than to go, but I was so desperate to make things work out between us, I signed myself up for what would be the most detrimental nightmare vacations of my life. Being stranded on an island with a person who turned out to be the most selfish and dis-respectful human being, was an experience that I never want to re-live. What should have been a romantic week in paradise was a torturous prison sentence. Finally, the escape did come, and I cried enough tears on the 8 hour flight back home, to fill the Pacific ocean to the brim. When my feet were back on Colorado soil, I was never so happy to have the reality check, and assurance that this is truly where I belong. Happy to report that never again, has a single tear fallen over that man, since somewhere over the ocean back in August.

 

Sheer Beauty. Ko'Olina Beach, Hawaii

Sea Turtle on the North Shore

Fresh Coconut on the North Shore

Paradise! The DOLE Pinapple Plantation



When I was home from Hawaii, I busied myself more than ever, trying to focus on myself and my amazing life in Colorado and the awesome people in it. I spent the next few weeks and months re-exploring so many parts of my favorite places and things to do in my own back yard.

Death Cab For Cutie with my BFF Alison at Red Rocks!

Death Cab.....Ahhhhh. Dreamy.

Garden of The Gods, CO Springs, CO

The Manitou Cliff Dwellings

Deep inside the Cave of the Winds

CB: my fav. little mountain town :)

Vinotok in Crested Butte

Brewary Tour with my girls!

Colorado certainly does beer right.

I also kept busy with fully submerging into the final weeks of training for the marathon. The excitement of traveling to Chicago was what fueled me. Running 15, 17, 20 mile-long runs and feeling the excitement of this monumental challenge that would come in October, kept my mind more than occupied.

Accomplished in Chicago

My victory was complete, and I proved once again, that I could do anything I put my mind to...but then I fell off a cliff into a depression. All of a sudden I found myself alone, with nothing motivating to look forward to. I had no energy, no drive, and I began to have a negative outlook on life. The cold winter months, and long, dark days didn't help me out much. I stopped and took a long hard look at myself, and my life. Although I am more than beyond blessed with so many wonderful things in my life, I realized that I had been putting a lot of focus and energy on some of the wrong things in life. Thankfully I snapped out of it and have so many wonderful things to look forward to. I began to realize that I know now, more than ever, that Denver is where I belong. I have spent every weekend in the city for the last 3 months, and I am more than excited to be back in the city where I feel most alive, and most like myself. I hope to be moved back to the Mile High ASAP, but hopefully by Spring, 2012.

Christmas time was wonderful, having spent it with my amazing family, and wonderful friends. I have so many people in my life that words cannot express how grateful I am to have. I have people that truly love me for me, and they support me and stand by me. I am lucky to have the kind of people that have no problem telling me the truth and looking out for my best interests. Also, I am so very thankful that the Lord is always with me, looking out for me; even though I am not deserving, and am not always living for Him. I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning, and every day.

First snow of this winter :)

Parade of Lights in Denver

Owen and Me keeping warm

Diana, Me and Alison at Owens Christmas Cocktail party

My sweet Lauren at my pre-NYE dinner

Last night, I spent New Year's Eve with friends old and new, and we had a wonderful time celebrating, and saying goodbye to the old year and welcoming the new. Goodbye, 2011. All in all, you were pretty good to me, but I hope 2012 is even better! So many things already to look forward to!!! Until then, as my dad always says, "just keep on keepin on".

Audrey, Robyn, and Me. Happy 2012

Peace and love people.

Be kind to one another.

Don't that forget that the little things

that matter are the monumental stuff of a great life.

Happy New Year.

The Chicago Marathon!

We all have different reasons that we run. For runners, we all have different reasons and motivations for why we race. Not long after I began participating in races, it was clear to me, that I do not race to be competitive; I really like the feeling of community & having a fun day with friends and strangers that share my same passion! I race because it is fun! I also LOVE the t-shirt, the occasional medal, and goodies at the end. Also, perhaps it has a little something to do with the prestige that comes along with racing. I know in the scheme of it all, it really shouldn't matter. And for those runners out there that are really good at it, they are much more modest and humble about the races that they participate in. But as for myself, I must admit that one of the biggest reasons and motivations for running a marathon, was so that I would be able to slap that highly acknowledged and coveted '26.2' sticker on the back of my car!

Here it is. The day I tested myself and pushed my body physically to the max. The day I had mentally been preparing for since February, and physically training for since June. As I boarded the plane to Chicago, I felt pretty calm about the upcoming event. I truly felt like up to this point, I had done all that I could do. Finishing the race was not a question, and I felt pretty confident that I would finish within a reasonable time. The only thing that worried me was the fact that the entire month before the race, I really began to slack off in my training runs. I was keeping up with the long weekend runs, but it was becoming increasingly more difficult to go out and run my daily 3-6 milers. I was exhausted from training so hard all summer, not to mention the cruel heat. So, weeks before the main event, I kind of gave up, thinking that I was "as ready as I was going to be." Whether I was ready or not, the day was here.

October 9, 2011
* 4:30 am - - Alexe and I were up and awake after a trusty night's NyQuil sleep. (my go-to sleep-aid). Downed a few coups of strong coffee, and fueled up with a power-breakfast.

* 5:30 am - - We met Mallory and boarding the red-line to downtown. It was sometime after the first few stops along the line when I looked down and realized I had forgotten my trusty Garmin watch! I was almost in tears as I realized the severity of this!!! I panicked, and freaked out, as I relied heavily on my Garmin watch for several reasons; mainly without it, I would have no idea what my running pace and time was! My nerves were slightly calmed down, as I rationally remembered that the course ran right by Alexe's apartment at mile 8! No worries! I would just run without it for the first 8 miles, and then I would (take a time-out) run upstairs and grab it! Whew! Not ideal, but this was not the end of the world.
* 6:00 am - - We arrived downtown and took in the fresh morning air. It was still dark, but the sun was just starting to peek out above the skyline. We took some pre-race photos, found the porta-potties, and checked our gear.

*7:00 am - - We worked out way through the ever-growing crowd of people to the starting line. We placed ourselves at the back of the 9 minute mile group.

*7:30 am - - The racers were off! As we inched toward the official starting line, my nerves were going crazy! This is it! This is really it!! It was all I could do to not throw up! Alexe, Mallory, and I all crossed the start line together, but I knew that was probably the last time I'd see these women. I accepted this, and just tried to focus on myself, and running my own race. I said a hasty prayer for strength and safety, and before I had a chance to think about anything else, I was caught up in a sea of people running running running.

Within the first 2 miles, I was immediately overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the amount of people everywhere! People running, people spectating, people cheering. I had a brief moment where my emotions got a bit carried away. Here I was, this young(ish), small town colorado girl, running the Chicago Marathon! I'm really doing this!! And all these people are out here cheering me on!!! The feeling was more than incredible, and indescribable.

I tried to settle into my pace, but it was so hard to know how fast I was running. For the first 3 miles, I know I went out way too fast, but mostly I didn't have a choice. I was being pushed along with my fellow runners. Everyone was feeling fresh, excited, and the adrenaline and energy levels were off the charts, and almost tangible. We toured the most beautiful parts of downtown. I remember just drinking it all in, the sight of this beautiful city. I was also thinking about my dear friends back home, who at the same time were beginning the Denver marathon and half marathon. We were all out running through the streets of our respective cities.

I felt great for the first several miles. It got to that critical moment when we made the turn after Mile 7, on Addison and Broadway, where I needed to devise a plan to dodge my fellow runners, and head up the stairs to Alexe's apartment, where her roommate would be cheering us on and waiting with my Garmin watch.  As the moment approached and I had to make my quick decision, my gut told me just to ditch the watch all-together. After all, I was feeling great, I was running free, and I didn't want to deduct crucial minutes to detour for my watch. So I kept on running.

I began to slow down and even experience panic as we approached the half way point. What was happening? Why was I getting so tired so quickly? Ohmygod, why is it so HOT? WHY AM I ALREADY WALKING?? I finally crossed the 13.1 mark and immediately was stricken with the "oh-my-god I have to run just as far as I just finished running....I don't know if I can do this!" I was exhausted and nervous. I hit my wall shortly after. You hear most people say they hit their wall about mile 20. Well, shit. I'm only at mile 14 and I've already hit that breaking point. I was feeling so lost. I had no idea of my surroundings, no idea of my pace, and no idea of my time. I knew I was still okay when I saw the 4:30 pace team come along side and eventually pass me. I knew if I stayed on their tails, I would still be okay. Well, soon they were out of sight ahead of me.

"Just keep moving, Just keep moving. One foot in front of the other. DO NOT WALK! You are strong, you can do this." I kept telling myself anything I could to just keep on going. Someone in the crowd must have seen the look of defeat on my face, and called out to me, "Come on Vanessa, Don't give up! Keep running!!!" I don't know how it happened, but thank the Lord it did happen....Somewhere around mile 17 or 18, I got my second wind! I was running strong, and was breathing easily. I was actually enjoying the sights of the city again! Old Town, Greektown, Little Italy, Chinatown, Little Mexico! The people along the sidelines where incredible! I felt like they were all cheering just for me! I passed mile 19, then 20, then 21! I was waiting, for it, hitting my next wall, that is. After all, wasn't it right about now that everyone hits it??? Well, I kept on moving, and before I knew it, mile 23!!!

Three.More.Miles. Finally, the end was near! At this point, I knew I was going to finish strong! I saw the 4:45 pace team come and go, but told myself, "It's OK! You're still good on time!" Almost to mile 24, I saw exactly what I needed to see! My beloved cousins Mindy and Miah were there with signs cheering me on! I had to finish strong for them! They fought the traffic and the crowds to have a front-row spot to cheer for me! After a quick stop for hugs, time to keep moving.

Oh, but it was so so hot, and getting hotter. Delirium had set it. The crowd of runners was becoming thinner. The looks and faces on everyone were completely different now. This was serious. This was not the pretty race that it was just 2 hours ago. It was do or die. Our bodies were rebelling, our feet were in  incredible pain; our minds were battling with the big part saying, "this is stupid, why are you doing this to yourself?" to the smaller, quieter voice that said, "come on, you've got this, you can finish!"

I passed mile 26, and I began to cry. The road curved to the right, and as desperate as I was to see it, the finish line was not in sight! Not only that, but all of a sudden there was a freakin uphill! I cried and started walking. I just wanted to be done but this 0.2 miles is sure a long way to go right now!!! It was the grace of God that got me over that hill, and once at the top I saw the finish line. I ran it in, or at least I think I ran it. I can't really be sure of anything at that point. My body was numb to anything except pain. But sure enough, I crossed the finish line, and I did it with a smile on my face!

It took a while for the grandness of what I'd just completed to fully sink in. Did I really just run 26.2 miles? I felt like I'd officially crossed over into a new 'group' of runners! It's a feeling I can't describe, yet one that I'll never forget.

Somewhere in the middle of the race, I was cursing and promising myself that if I could just get through this, I would never do this to myself again! Well, thankfully the body doesn't remember pain. Pretty much, I have to do it again, and this time I have to be better than the first time! Now I know exactly what to expect, and I know exactly the things I should and should not do in the weeks and days leading up to the event. And next time, I certainly won't forget my trusty Garmin! It won't be anytime soon, but I'll do it again. Now to decide: Denver, Seattle, Alaska.....

But whether or not I ever run another marathon, it really doesn't matter. I have nothing left to prove. I did it. And my pink sticker on my car says so :)

I am a Runner.

Running: 

• Four years ago, running = torture & punishment.
• Today, running = life & adventure.

Let's face it. I may be described as lots of things, but "runner" was never one of those, until somewhat recently. I never ran track or cross country in school, and I remember Mrs. Chavez yelling at me, "Cook, quit walking, get to running!" every time we had to run laps at the track in 8th grade. But that's the amazing thing about life. You live, you grow, you change who and what you are, whenever you want. Two years ago was the first time I started running. I mean, really running. It started out innocently enough meeting my friend Leigha at City Park on Saturday mornings for a run, typically 2-3 miles. She was always so encouraging, telling me that I kept a good pace, and that I kept up well. I mostly started running, as I felt somewhat obligated. I felt obligated living in Denver, CO; that it was required of people to be physically active. As I started going through this list of active things I could participate in, running seemed the least threatening, and let's face it, the least expensive (or so I thought at the time.....) I got really into our weekly runs, and then the winter months took us indoors to the treadmills in the gym. With dedication and diligence, before I knew it, I was clocking 4+ miles on the treadmill! I was becoming excited at my new found liking to running, and pushing new limits. It was that same year, that my dear friend Alison ran her first half-marathon with her mom. I remember reading all of her training updates on facebook, and being so inspired!

When Leigha encouraged me to sign up to run the Colfax Half Marathon, I told her she was out of her mind. the IDEA of me running 13 miles was ludicrous!  But I signed up, and took it seriously. I met every run on the training schedule, and before I knew it, I had accomplished the greatest victory of my life when I crossed that finish line. From that point on, I was hooked. I was a runner. I hadn't really planned on doing any other events, but I just kept running a few miles a day, just because I loved how it made me feel. By the end of 2010, I had completed 3 half-marathons and a 10 mile race! Who had I become?

 Later that fall, I suffered a pretty serious hip injury that kept me from running for about 2 months. I knew I was addicted the moment running was taken away from me. I was going crazy during those weeks I was off my feet. But thanks to yoga and an awesome sports chiropractor, I was back in my running shoes ready to hit the pavement. As the winter months kept my mind busy and I was looking forward to the races I would be doing after the new year, I began to toy with the idea of running a full marathon. Although each half-marathon I had done up to that point, had been painful and often ending in tears, the feeling of accomplishment and adrenaline that followed afterward were more rewarding and memorable than the pain and suffering. I began to really convince myself that in a couple years, I just might be ready to run the full distance marathon. Well, a couple years was more like a couple months. In February after my good friend Alexe moved to Chicago for nursing school, she asked me to run the Chicago Marathon with her friend and herself. Surprisingly, I didn't hesitate to say yes, and was registered soon after. As this year went on, it seems like there was never a dull moment, and it was event after event; and if not a running event, my weekends were consumed by my training.



I was in awe as my mileage climbed and then one day I went out and ran 20 miles! By then, I knew I was ready. At this point, there was nothing more I could do, and no looking back. I was a runner. And soon I would accomplish the event that would complete my sport full-circle. The Chicago Marathon. And I did it. TWENTY-SIX.POINT.FREAKING.TWO.



Right after we completed the Colfax Half.  May 2010



My running inspiration.

Me and Leigha. Yeah, we finished!!

Alison and I finished the Mt. Sneffles Half in Ouray, CO.Aug 2010

My Running buddy, Alison :)

Ericka and me Park to Park 10 Miler, Sept. 2010



Alison and me, Platte River Half,  April 2011




Jessica, Robyn, and Me
BolderBoulder May 2011



Me, Ali, Sara
Zooma Half Marathon July 2011

Me, Alexe, and Mallory
Chicago Marathon October 2011

Chicago, my new love.

Look out, people. I think I may have just discovered my new favorite city!!! I was so lucky to have been able to spend 5 days in Chicago last week, and to say I fell in love, would be an understatement! I left Denver bright and early on Thursday morning, and by noon I was having a fabulous lunch outside on the beautiful downtown streets of Chi-town.  I was in awe and full of excitement as I rode the train from Midway to the Loop. First of all, I could not have picked a better weekend to visit. The weather was absolutely perfect and sunny. Fall was at it's peak, and I could not get over the beautiful trees and bright foliage scene. As soon as I saw the peaks of the Sears Tower and the John Hancock Bldg. peeking out above the skyline, I knew I was in for a good time.

  

After having a lovely lunch and coffee break, I took a cab from downtown to Lincoln Park, where I met up with my cousins Mindy, Scott, and Miah. They drove me around the city, and we had a great dinner together. The next day was spent hanging out in the suburbs with my Aunt Val for an awesome BBQ. It was great to get in family time.

  

 After a good time with family, it was back to the city for me.  I took the "L" from the Sox Stadium on the south side, to Wrigley Field on the north end of the city to meet up with my sweet friend, Alexe. The anticipation of getting to my friend was out of control! I was so excited to see her, as it had been 2 years since our last reunion. Alexe Colson is one of the most incredible people I've ever met, and I attribute much of my growth as a human being, to her. She was one of my best friends during the year that I lived in Crested Butte. Alexe is such an inspiring and beautiful woman, and she is the reason that I ran the Chicago Marathon. As soon as I got to her neighborhood, "Boystown", we unloaded my stuff, then it was off to a carb-loaded dinner. Alexe's friend Mallory and her roomate Paige, were so gracious to make a wonderful spaghetti dinner, to get us fueled up for the upcoming event! After the lovely walk home, and staying up way too late getting caught up on life, we finally made it to bed.

When I was on the train from the airport, I had met a woman who was also in town for the marathon. She had run several, including Boston, and gave me a bit of advice. She said it was imperative that the day before the marathon, to get out and run 2 miles to get my body ready. She seemed like someone that this marathon rookie would DEF take advice from, so the next morning, Alexe and I dutifully ran our 2 miles along Lake Shore Drive. I was still just enamored of the splendor of the city pushed right up along Lake Michigan, which seriously looks like the ocean! Chicago also seems like a very health-conscious city, with all the parks, bike lanes, and amount of people out running :) It made me feel like I was back home in Denver. 

Later that day, we met up with Mallory and headed down to the marathon expo center to get our race packets and memorabilia.  After taking buses, trains, and walking clear across town, we had gotten caught up in all the excitement of the marathon expo. Mallory was on a mission to find a headband with "26.2" and I was on a mission to find a bumper sticker with the same, but we were unsuccessful. All of a sudden, I looked at the time and realized it was 3:00, and I had yet to have a single drink of water or bite of food ALL DAY! Which was really stupid, considering we all should have been well-hydrated and fueled up that day. I'm embarrassed to admit, I had a major meltdown and freak out moment. I panicked as I realized how late in the day it was, and how unprepared I was for running 26 miles the next day. Thankfully the girls were forgiving of my bad attitude, and we grabbed dinner and water, and headed home...But NOT before stopping off at Molly's Cupcakes for a well-deserved treat :) 

The next day came all too soon! Up at 4:30 with coffee, breakfast, and were on the train back downtown to the starting line. Before I even knew what was happening, we were off and running through every neighborhood of this magnificent city! And it was cemented in my mind that I was in love, and I MUST come back when I have more time to explore all the wonderful things that Chicago was waiting to offer me!

After the Marathon, the girls took me on a little tour through Millennium Park, and then it was back home for a much needed shower and nap.

Monday came too soon, and it was my last day in town. After brunch at The Chicago Diner, Alexe and I loaded up my luggage and were on the train back downtown. (I must say, I was definitely getting my sense of direction and growing expertise of the public transportation system down!) We had drinks at the Drake Hotel, and on top of the John Hancock building, overlooking all of Chicago!

All weekend, I kept feeling like I was apart of my most favorite movies, from "My Best Friend's Wedding," to "Ferris Bueller's Day Off". Unfortunately, the end came too soon, and it was time to go back home. I had definitely pushed it to the last minute. It was after 6:00p, and my flight left at 7:30. We hustled outside, and took a cab about 4 blocks to the train station.

We had a  hurried "goodbye" and rushed up to the platform. Within minutes, our respective trains arrived, and rushed us off into opposite directions. I made it back to Midway at 6:50, and ran as fast as my tired little legs could carry me down the corridor to the terminal!

I was sure it was too late to check my luggage, but before I knew it, I was checked in, through security, and even had time to stop at the souvenir shop for a quick purchase of typical crap.

The flight home was the perfect way to reflect on the wonderful time that had just passed. Here I was, this 26 year old girl from small town Colorado, just spent a weekend in one of the biggest cities in the US, and just ran a marathon. Who have I become? I am not really quite sure, but I know I like her.

Springing ahead in life during Fall.

It is finally October. My second favorite month of the year :)  Summer is officially over, the days are becoming shorter, the leaves are changing, and there is a crispness in the air with a hint of cinnamon and spice. Autumn is decidedly my favorite season of the year. I adore my fall wardrobe of cardigans, jackets, and scarves; there is a freshness in the air, and it is a season of change. As this season of change is here, it also marks the end of one of the best, and yet one of the most difficult years of my life. It was this time one year ago, where my life took on a completely different direction. I had just moved from the city to my new home of Fort Collins, CO; which was quite a difficult adjustment. I was settling into my new home, my new job, and as I was embracing each aspect of my "new life", I also added in the complicated portion of a new love.

It has been exactly one year since I met the man I had convinced myself I would marry. One year ago, a little weekend get-away to visit my sweet friend, Kimber, in her new Texas town, was a weekend that changed my life. The last weekend of September, 2010 I visited Wichita Falls, TX where I met Erik Walker. Though strikingly handsome and charming, it was obvious that nothing could ever happen between a dynamic, complex Colorado girl, and a simple, small-town boy from Texas. Or could it?.....

The months to follow that first visit to Texas were a whirlwind of events that tipped my life up-side down. By Christmas-time, I was hopelessly in love with the idea of this man who, inevitably, would never become anything more than a stranger to me. Although there was an abundance of red-flags all along the way, shouting, "Danger, Danger!!! He is NOT the one!" I managed to ignore them all and fall deeper into this mess of a relationship. Although I was so sure of us, I didn't quite know just how we would work this out. He was adamant that he could never leave the only town he's ever known, and, well, lets face it; there is just no way this girl could ever leave the only state I've ever loved and trade it all down for hot-miserable Texas!!! (No offense, my other TX friends....) But I also knew (or rather thought I knew) that there was no way I could live without him. Until the trip that marked the absolute end of it all.

I'm sure most of you know that I went to Hawaii with Erik, (on a last-ditch effort to make things work) and have been dying with curiosity to know exactly what happened. Well, I won't go into detail, but as I'm sure you may have figured out, it was an absolute nightmare. My worst expectations were far exceeded on that miserable "vacation". It took me a while to process and deal with everything that happened in the 10 months of knowing Erik Walker. There is still a lot of sadness and feeling of humiliation and hurt, and I can't help but wince at the mention of his name. And yet the greatest peace I have, is that by the grace of God, I dodged a bullet. Even though as humans, we try so hard to make things happen the way we want them, our Heavenly Father has his own plan for us. It would be so much easier if I just trusted Him more, and stopped trying to do it all my way. Had I not been lucky enough to have God finally step in and put His foot down on this wretched relationship, I can only imagine how miserable my life could have turned out! By this time next year, I could have been married off, living 800 miles away from the one true place that I LOVE, bored out of my mind, hating the humidity & heat, and bouncing a baby on my hip....and then, inevitably divorced!  EW!!

Instead, here I am on a lovely Colorado evening, reflecting on my awesome life, and I couldn't be happier. I may be single, but dang it, I am truly happy. I do what I want, when I want, and I take life by the horns and I make shit happen! I look at all the things I've accomplished, and it makes me proud to say that I've done it all on my own, without relying on any man by my side helping me along the way. {well, except of course, my Dad and God}.

As I embark on this new season of change, there are so many things to look forward to, and be thankful for. I am anxiously awaiting completing my first marathon next week, and preparing for all the new adventures in store. I'm letting the past 'fall' away, and I'm looking forward with bright eyes.